Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
