Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
