Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
