we made out on top of his cat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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