No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
