i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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