I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
