no, he came in my armpit
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize