I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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