4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
