So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
