i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
