I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
