I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
