The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
two words: eviction party
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
