I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
