Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
