and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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