But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
