$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize