How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
