I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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