what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
