Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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