Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
worst night to have a conscience
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
