hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i now understand why vodka
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
