when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
