My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
