About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i believe in u and ur pee
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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