This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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