when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
