Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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