Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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