yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
