you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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