i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
