Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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