Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
