Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
