last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
