By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was CRYING into my vagina
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
