well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
