What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
