i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
