Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
