I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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