Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
