he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
