you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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