Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
