Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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