i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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