Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
