pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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