I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize