Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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