I puked a lego.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
