Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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