M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
