trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
