Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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