i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
