it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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