The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
