Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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