That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
