Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
