After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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