its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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