Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
