My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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