I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
